dick feynman

we as a society need to recognize Richard Feynman more. he was the thing I aspire to be most: too smart to be killed. Nothing could touch that man. He joined the Manhattan Project and promptly broke into every safe in Los Alamos to read all the secret documents just for funsies. The government’s response? “Just don’t let him in your office”. That was the solution. Stop him at the door so he can’t steal military secrets out of boredom. He also constantly messed with the official censors by writing to his relatives in code and filling his mail with powdered Pepto-Bismol. While lecturing in Brazil, he joined a samba band and performed in Carnaval. Just because. He won a Nobel Prize after messing around throwing plates in the air and deciding to figure out the mechanics behind a spinning plate being tossed across a room. I love Richard Feynman so much.

twenty and terrified (in a good way i guess?)

I turn 20 in August, and I’ve been thinking about how absolutely asleep I was six months ago. Not literally asleep(maybe), though I did plenty of that lately. I mean asleep in the sense that I thought I understood the trajectory of things knowing that I am the one in control. I’d write some code, AI would maybe autocomplete a line or two if I was lucky, and that was neat but not, you know, scary. The tools were helpers. More like a autocorrect. Then somewhere between then and now, something shifted, and I didn’t notice until I was already in a different world.

The thing about being insignificant is that it comes in two two pills, and I’m taking both right now. There’s the normal kind of insignificant you feel at 20. You’re one person. The universe is very large. Your world feels small in retrospect. You haven’t done anything important yet. This is the kind of insignificance that’s almost comfortable(almost) ,it takes the pressure off. You have time to figure things out. Then there’s this other pill I’m taking now, which is more like: I’m insignificant and the timeline is compressing. I look at what these models could barely do in March and what they can do now, and I try to do the math on what August looks like, let alone next March. The extrapolation makes my mind go brrrr. Six months ago, I’d spend an afternoon reading something stupid, try to replicate it and then finally figuring it out, feel proud. Now I describe the problem to Claude, get a solution in thirty seconds, and feel… what exactly? Grateful? Obsolete? Both? The ceiling keeps rising, which should be exciting. And it is! It is exciting. I can build things I couldn’t have imagined building before. I’m learning faster than I ever have. But the floor is rising faster, and I can’t tell if I’m climbing or just being lifted, and I definitely can’t tell what happens when I’m not needed to do the climbing anymore.

Feynman is the only person in history who left a mark on me without me ever meeting him. I read his lectures, watched old videos of him explaining things on blackboards, absorbed this way he had of being completely honest about not knowing something while being utterly delighted to figure it out.(at one point I even knew first 50 digits of pi, just to reach the Feynman constant)

I think about how Feynman would use AI. He wouldn’t ask it to solve his problems, he’d use it to check his own solutions, to argue with, to explore the weird edge cases. He’d probably spend hours trying to make it explain something wrong just to understand where the reasoning breaks down. The tool would be in service of his curiosity, not replacing it. Imagine Claude code playing bongo drums with Feynman. I’m not Feynman. But most days I’m oscillating. Twenty minutes of genuine fascination, then an hour of low-grade dread. I’ll be excited about what I can build with all this, then suddenly terrified that I’m building skills for a world that won’t exist by the time I’m good at them. The feeling that I need to speedrun becoming competent before competence itself becomes obsolete. It’s not even different moods on different days. It’s the same day. The same hour. Sometimes the same five minutes.

I haven’t built anything significant in the last month. I’ve mostly been thinking, reading, paralyzed by the sense that whatever I choose to build might be obsolete before I finish it. Maybe that’s the problem. Feynman didn’t ask “what’s my role?” or “what should I optimize for?” He asked “what’s interesting?” And then he’d just go figure it out, not because it was strategic but because not knowing was slop back then. I’m watching my friends sprint in different directions. Some have suddenly accelerated and are moving at 100× the speed they were before. Others are acting like nothing is changing, still optimizing for normal career paths. I’m stuck in the middle, refreshing my timeline, reading shit I don’t understand(like at all), waiting for some clarity that never seems to come.

The tree metaphor people love, “the best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, the second best time is now” well, that doesn’t work anymore. What do you do when you’re not sure if trees matter? When the forest might plant itself? When even the metaphor feels outdated before you finish typing it?

I’m trying to figure out how to be 20 right now. Not the normal kind of 20, where you’re supposed to be figuring out your major and your career and making mistakes that’ll make good stories later. But 20 in 2026, when the timeline for “later” keeps compressing. I don’t have good answers. Most days I just feel small. But I think about Feynman, who looked at everything with this open wonder, who thought the universe was there to be figured out and that figuring it out was the point. Not because it would lead somewhere, but because not knowing was worse than knowing. Six months ago I was asleep. Now I’m awake, even if I’m not sure what to do with that wakefulness yet. I turn 20 in August. By then, who knows what the models will be able to do. Who knows what I’ll be doing with them, or if “doing” will even mean what it means now. But I’ll be here. Paying attention. Trying to figure it out. That has to count for something. Ig.

the best facts i heard in 2025

I love reading yearly fact lists by nytimes, so i chose to shamelessly steal that thing, these facts might not be up to dat, or might not be as cooler as you ar thinking, well they are just facts.

January 6. The handrail on a grand London opera house staircase was built to match the height of a particular monarch, which explains why it feels strangely low today.

January 11. Around the world, a large majority of household travel decisions are made by women.

January 17. By regulatory definition, a hot dog must be finely ground meat; if the particles are too large, it legally stops being a hot dog.

January 24. Typeface studios are called “foundries,” a name left over from when letters were literally cast in metal.

February 3. A popular American sour candy had to be reformulated in Europe after regulators flagged a coloring as potentially unsafe.

February 9. Airlines have historically handled in-flight deaths in ways that prioritized calm over honesty.

February 18. In the UK, a contract becomes binding the moment the acceptance letter is posted—even if it never arrives.

March 4. Whales don’t develop cancer at the rate expected for animals of their size, partly because their tumors tend to develop fatal defects themselves.

March 12. An online baseball community helped uncover a professional sign-stealing scheme that relied on trash-can signals.

March 19. Some of the world’s most valuable concert pianos use custom-built elevators so they never have to be carried up stairs.

March 27. Warsaw’s Old Town was rebuilt after WWII using historical paintings—including the painters’ original inaccuracies.

April 2. Roughly 96% of books sell fewer than a thousand copies in their lifetime.

April 10. Even a neural network layer without an activation function isn’t truly linear, because floating-point math introduces distortion.

April 16. There is no clock on Earth that gives the “correct” time—only negotiated approximations.

April 28. The forbidden fruit is often imagined as an apple because Latin uses the same word for “apple” and “evil.”

May 5. One small American coastal city has more restaurants per capita than anywhere else in the country.

May 14. Honduras’s best coffee is typically exported to Asia, the second-best to Europe, and the rest to the U.S.

May 21. During WWII, Allied planners considered sabotaging enemy scientists with logistical annoyances rather than bombs.

May 29. Commercial dishwashers are engineered around a two-minute cycle, which quietly dictates how restaurant kitchens function.

June 3. Among top-tier AI researchers working in the U.S., more were born in China than in America itself.

June 9. If a child turns two years old mid-flight, airline rules technically require them to occupy their own seat afterward.

June 10. The Allies wanted to drop bandit problems on German scientists to distract them during the war.

June 14. Restaurant dishwashers take two minutes.

June 15. In 2022 more of the top-tier AI researchers working in America hailed from China than from America.

June 16. John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads” might not be about West Virginia, but about the western part of Virginia.

June 18. British housing-distance regulations trace back to Edwardian concerns about visible nipples through fabric.

June 20. Airlines: The infant must be under 2 years of age for the duration of the flight. If they turn 2 during a flight, they will need their own seat for the remainder of the flight.

June 26. Telephone keypads and calculator keypads differ because one is optimized for randomness and the other for real-world number entry.

July 7. One U.S. state has an unusually balanced economy: no single industry dominates its GDP.

July 15. Steam locomotives once refilled their water tanks while moving by lowering scoops between the rails.

July 23. Concorde flew measurably slower when painted in certain liveries due to weight and surface effects.

July 31. Competitive snail racing exists, and the world record speed is best measured in fractions of an inch per second.

August 6. Shostakovich reportedly loved Jesus Christ Superstar and suggested politics were the only reason he hadn’t written that way himself.

August 13. India’s largest airline grew from a startup into a dominant domestic carrier in under twenty years.

August 19. One European airport allows pesto through security using a dedicated scanner exception.

August 27. Introducing carnivorous snails to control invasive snails instead wiped out native species within a decade.

September 4. The Olympic Games once included an equestrian long jump event; the record still stands.

September 12. The qipao literally means “banner gown,” named after Qing dynasty military divisions.

September 20. French labor unions sometimes bring portable grills designed to fit tram tracks during marches.

September 28. A local independent newspaper in one U.S. city reaches roughly half the city’s population every month.

October 3. For the cost of one legacy aerospace contract, a private company could fund years of rocket launches.

October 11. One Chinese liquor company operates at profit margins that outperform major global tech firms.

October 18. Atoms cannot survive intact collisions above roughly 15 km/s.

October 26. Medieval “trial by boiling water” acquitted most defendants because priests quietly controlled the conditions.

November 2. New fellows of one historic scientific society are now, on average, far older than its original founders were.

November 9. One infamous colonial-era trading company still exists today as a luxury food brand.

November 17. In China, fatal incidents involving exactly 35 deaths appear with suspicious frequency.

November 25. A majority of global internet traffic passes through a single U.S. state.

December 5. The builders of the pyramids were likely skilled, paid laborers rather than enslaved masses.

December 11. A famous Catalan architect designed his cathedral using inverted models to let gravity solve the engineering.

December 17. Some animals assign individual names to one another, not just generic calls.

December 22. A historic London bridge now resides, stone by stone, in the Arizona desert.

testing features

let’s test if everything works properly with math, code, and formatting.

inline math

here’s some inline math: E = mc² and the quadratic formula $x = \frac{-b \pm \sqrt{b^2 - 4ac}}{2a}$.

display math

the gaussian integral:

$$\int_{-\infty}^{\infty} e^{-x^2} dx = \sqrt{\pi}$$

matrix multiplication:

$$\begin{pmatrix} a & b \\ c & d \end{pmatrix} \begin{pmatrix} x \\ y \end{pmatrix} = \begin{pmatrix} ax + by \\ cx + dy \end{pmatrix}$$

physics equations

the schrödinger equation:

$$i\hbar \frac{\partial}{\partial t}\Psi = \hat{H}\Psi$$

maxwell’s equations:

$$\nabla \cdot \mathbf{E} = \frac{\rho}{\epsilon_0}$$

$$\nabla \times \mathbf{B} - \mu_0 \epsilon_0 \frac{\partial \mathbf{E}}{\partial t} = \mu_0 \mathbf{J}$$

complex examples

euler’s identity:

e^iπ + 1 = 0

a sum:

$$\sum_{n=1}^{\infty} \frac{1}{n^2} = \frac{\pi^2}{6}$$

an integral with limits:

$$\int_0^1 x^2 dx = \frac{1}{3}$$

code blocks

python should be properly highlighted:

def fibonacci(n):
    """Return the nth Fibonacci number."""
    if n <= 0:
        return 0
    elif n == 1:
        return 1
    else:
        return fibonacci(n-1) + fibonacci(n-2)

# calculate first 10 fibonacci numbers
for i in range(10):
    print(f"fibonacci({i}) = {fibonacci(i)}")

rust code:

fn main() {
    let mut vec = vec![1, 2, 3, 4, 5];
    vec.iter()
        .map(|x| x * 2)
        .filter(|x| x > &5)
        .for_each(|x| println!("{}", x));
}

block quotes

if the individual lived five hundred or one thousand years, this clash might not exist or at least might be considerably reduced. he then might live and harvest with joy what he sowed in sorrow.

lists

unordered list:

• first item
• second item with bold text
• third item with italic text

ordered list:

1. first item
2. second item with inline code
3. third item

tables

mixed content

combining math and code: the fibonacci sequence can be expressed as F_n = F_n − 1 + F_n − 2 with base cases F₀ = 0 and F₁ = 1.

here’s a function that uses memoization:

const fib = (n, memo = {}) => {
    if (n in memo) return memo[n];
    if (n <= 1) return n;
    memo[n] = fib(n - 1, memo) + fib(n - 2, memo);
    return memo[n];
};

the time complexity is reduced from O(2ⁿ) to O(n) using dynamic programming.

rabbit holes

the idiom is often used to describe a person who is researching a topic on the internet or exploring new things on the web. go down the rabbit holes if you have to.

you and your research

hamming’s famous 1986 talk on doing great research

worth revisiting whenever you’re thinking about what problems to work on and how to approach them.

knowing other people

idk man.

learning curve

oh hey, i actually remembered i have a blog!

greetings, internet wanderers and accidental clickers! it’s your long-lost pal mel, back from the digital abyss where forgotten blogs linger in the shadows of unused bookmarks and dusty url bars. today, i come bearing enlightenment not the faux kind you get from those addictive, yet nutritionally void, edu-tainment videos splattered across youtube and tiktok, but the real, gritty, make-your-brain-sweat type.

are we learning, or are we just entertained? (honestly idk)

let’s talk about all those youtube and tiktok videos that look educational. they’re fun, slick, and easy to watch one after another. but if you stop and think about it, they’re more about entertainment than deep learning. it’s like thinking you’re eating a nutritious meal, but it’s really just popcorn tasty, but not filling.

when we think we’re learning from these videos, we’re mostly just enjoying a well-edited piece of content that gives us the illusion of knowledge. it’s satisfying, sure, but it’s not particularly enriching.

real learning should kind of hurt

now, i’m not saying learning should be miserable, but it should challenge you. real learning feels more like a serious gym session for your brain. you shouldn’t expect to understand complex topics in the time it takes to drink a coffee.

when you’re really learning, you should be putting in effort, struggling a bit, and yes, even getting frustrated. that’s when you know your brain is working hard, building up those mental muscles.

avoid mixing up entertainment with education. it’s easy to do, especially with how engaging online content can be.

choose your learning meals wisely

for those on a genuine quest for knowledge, it’s time to shut those tabs filled with quick fixes and snappy summaries. the world of “learn xyz in 10 minutes” is the junk food of learning; tempting, but ultimately unfulfilling. instead, seek out the hearty meals textbooks, academic papers, detailed manuals. yes, they’re dense and daunting, but they pack the punch.

wrapping up: choose your brain food carefully

next time you find yourself deep in a binge-watching session of “educational” videos, take a moment to assess if you’re actually learning. real knowledge takes work, just like anything worthwhile in life.

don’t get caught up in the flashy but shallow content. aim for the deep, challenging stuff. it might be tougher, but the rewards are so much greater.

well, that’s enough rambling for today. i might disappear again for a while, but hopefully, i’ll remember to come back sooner next time. keep pushing your boundaries, stay curious, and maybe pick up a book instead of watching another video.

catch you later, kardashev

im just testing out vim

chro-nicle

yo, what’s good, my fellow /b/tards? your favorite retard is back, even after getting suspended 5 times in one day. elon, where’s my goddamn guinness world record, bro? hopefully, this streak of bans ends here, but let’s be real, it was kinda epic, in the mean time i went to good ol’ 4chan.

so, last week i was watching some youtube video where this dude was talking about a 90-year calendar system. he was all like, “you only have around 300 weeks left to take action, life is short, blah blah blah.” i didn’t really get most of it, but i decided to make a calendar out of it anyway.

that’s how “chronicle” was born. at first, i wanted to make a chrome extension that would show up every time you opened a new tab, giving you anxiety about all the time you’ve wasted. but due to my lack of 1337 h4x0r skills, i settled for a web version instead. i tweeted about it, so if you haven’t checked it out yet, what are you waiting for, roast the shit out of me and head over to chro-nicle.vercel.app you lazy fucks, dont ask me why vercel.

after building it, i found out that someone had already written a blog post about this idea 10 years ago. lemme just spit out my interpretation at you then.

adjusts fedora alright, listen up, you filthy degenerates. life is like one of those japanese dating sims, except instead of cute anime waifus, you’ve got a limited number of weeks to simp for. if you’re lucky enough to make it to the final waifu at age 90, you’ll have a grand total of 4,680 weeks in your harem.

think of each week as a tiny-ass 0.05-carat diamond. by the time you’re done with this dating sim called life, you’ll have just under a tablespoon of these shiny fuckers. that’s not a lot, even if it sounds fancy. so, the real question is: are you making the most of these gems, or are you just wasting them like a fucking normie?

if you’re wasting your diamonds on shit that doesn’t make you happy in the moment or set you up for a better future (like working for the man or using windows), then you’re doing it wrong, dipshit. that’s like taking your hard-earned bitcoin and throwing it into a fucking ponzi scheme.

the worst weeks are when you’re not enjoying the present and you’re not building for the future. it’s like being stuck in a honeypot with no way out. fucking nightmare fuel, am i right? those are the kinds of weeks that make you want to rage-quit the entire system.

so, what’s the winning strategy? balance, you fucking script kiddies. enjoy the diamonds you have, but also keep stacking them up for something epic down the line. don’t let the daily grind or the feds bring you down. make every goddamn diamond count, because once they’re gone, they’re gone for good. no respawns, no backups.

keep it real, keep it balanced, and keep fucking shit up, you glorious hacker bastards.

tips fedora and chugs redbull

delusion

hey anons,

strap in, because today we’re diving deep into the abyss of what i’ve dubbed the “delulu doctrine.” oh, it’s not just some fancy mindset; it’s a full-on lifestyle. and let me tell you, it’s as chaotic as a cat in a laser pointer factory.

so, here’s my life in a nutshell: i’ve always been that guy, the one who goes all-in during exams, knowing everything yet sweating bullets at the thought of having messed it all up. picture me, the night before results are out, curled up in bed, shivering like i’m in the server room at the nsa.

but then, this wild epiphany hit me. what if being delusional isn’t a flaw but a freaking superpower? yeah, you heard right. delulu is the solulu, my dudes.

imagine this scenario: you walk into a room, totally convinced you’re the king of the world. sounds crazy? maybe. but that insane level of confidence? it’s like rocket fuel. while everyone else is busy doubting and hesitating, you’re shooting off to mars on a scooter made of pure swagger.

now, i know what you’re thinking. “but op, my self-esteem has seen more bottoms than a chair repair shop.” i totally get it. i’ve been there, doubted that. but guess what? embracing your inner delulu means you never have to apologize for being awesome.

let’s get real for a second. i used to scoff at all that “unlock your potential” mumbo jumbo. i mean, if finding your potential was so easy, wouldn’t we all be olympic athletes or something? and yeah, there’s the not-so-small issue of my… ahem… “diminished” attributes (wink wink).

but then it dawned on me. being delusional is like having your own personal hype man living in your head. it’s not about ignoring your flaws; it’s about cranking up the volume on your virtues to eleven.

enough about the philosophy of being delusional, let’s talk action. how do you bring this into your daily grind? it’s simple: channel that chaotic energy. next time you feel like a nervous wreck, just remember: in some alternate universe, you’re the lead guitarist for dragonforce. use that energy. do something. paint a painting. write a blog. start a conga line at your local retirement home. whatever floats your boat.

and remember, every time you doubt yourself, somewhere a kitten fails its driving test. don’t be the reason kittens can’t drive.

i’m not the chosen one. i wasn’t bitten by a radioactive successful person as a child. but that’s totally fine. we’re in this together, fellow anons. if we’re gonna be delusional, we might as well do it as a team. think of it as a multiplayer game where the goal is to out-delulu each other in the quest for greatness.

so, what’s the takeaway from all this rambling? being delusional isn’t about losing touch with reality it’s about choosing which version of reality you want to kick butt in. and if you’re gonna be a madlad, you might as well be the maddest lad on the block.

let’s crank up the delulu and turn life into one big, glorious meme. after all, if life isn’t about finding the best way to ride a unicycle blindfolded through a minefield, then what are we even doing?

stay crazy, stay awesome, stay delulu.

signing off, your favorite delusional anon